The other day I visited the labor day weekend antique fair here in Hailey, and talked to one of the local photographers named Steve. Steve is a local cowboy who seems to have seen the best and worst of times, all while snapping breathtaking shots. While I was checking out his setup, he began to tell me the story of a picture I couldn't seem to take my eyes off. It was a simple side of a house, with a paned window. Inside the window was a lamp and a blank wall with planet earth hanging in what seemed to be the center of the room. Steve started off by explaining to me that it was one of the few pictures he had 'created' himself, meaning he staged it. He went on to explain that the lamp symbolized life, warmth, activity, and love. So starting off, we have this nice cabin, a home, with a warm feeling of love, but what is the earth there for? The earth was a symbol of a huge, great society. One where people dwell and are all taking part in something to better this home they have. Basically, he was trying to say, that by having the earth, a home, inside a functioning home, he was an outsider looking in, just trying to find his nitch and place. A home to feel comfortable in.
It really kindof got me today. I have a loving home here in Idaho with my mom, and know I always will. Still, I can't help but get the feeling that I just don't quite have a place yet. This feeling really creeped up on me today. I don't really have any close friends in Idaho. And my friends in Michigan seem to be dwindling away. I'm turning into this awful hermit! I will say there are a select few here in Hailey that call me to do things, but I've been finding that I, more than not, decline those offers. But other than the three people I can think of, there's noone. The people that were once my closest pals in my old home, have changed in ways I can't begin to explain and I just find myself making awkward conversation to say that I'm still 'connected' to these people, when really, there's nothing. Final summation: Regardless of my living west or 'home' in the midwest, I don't completely have a solid 'niche' that I really feel comfortable in. Cool eh?
I'm also a little bit bummed because time, which I posted about the other day, is never working with me. Ever. A slap in the face has also come across lately. I had two super important people in my life that I took for granted, and now they're essentially gone. I had a best friend who I could see eye to eye with on almost anything, and the things we didn't see the same, we could definately at least understand. There were so many things we had in common and just could be ourselves. No strings attatched. No awkwardness. Nothing but greatness. I took this girlie for granted, now realizing how great I had it with her an her family, not ever spending enough time with her for the short year I was lucky enough to know her. She's now on a foreign exchange trip, having the time of her life. Though I miss her so much and secretly (not so secretly any more) want her to come home, I am extremely happy and excited for her. If only she still lived four blocks away! Her family up and moved to an entirely new state!! Guess I'll have some roadtrips coming up next year. :) The other, another special person, I know now more than ever how much I took to be a given, rather than the privelige it was to be so close. This person instantly became such a close, connected, essential part of my life. We could do anything from hiking big mountains (me being carried on a shoulder :P ) to snowshoeing, to watching movies, to building snowrails in our yards, to comedy shows and roadtrips. Nothing was off limits and it took something extremely crazy to make an awkward feeling arise. Over the year I knew this great guy, there were onesided feelings, reciprocated with lame half-assed responses and feelings on my behalf. Always and excuse to keep it friendly, and not serious. A year later I'm finding myself ready to completely return those feelings, seems like I'm a year too late. Now this 'given' friendship is an awkward, tense blob that I wish I could get back. We're friends, but let me tell you, it's definately not the same.
On a happier note, my buddy Dano and I (more him than I) have been working on a pretty old roadbike. It's an old Schwinn 'Varsity' that's a deep shade of green and the old push-pull gearshifters. I'm pretty excited and didn't get great pictures, but here are a few. I'll work on some more soon.
Also, in conclusion to my lengthy essay-like post, check this chickaa out. Very good music.http://www.myspace.com/thaomusic
Goodnight interworld. -_-
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