An emotional rant: readers beware.

I feel that my peers are completely blind to not only the hurt they cause their peers on a daily basis, but also to everyone's emotions aside from their own and immediate circle. Our news created a video about cliques and groups- which turned out to be a complete joke- trying to justify the claim that our school is not very cliquey. Too bad the majority of students in my high school of 800 will probably only speak to 40 students consistently, and may never exchange a word with at least 600 of them; ever. How sad is that? Why not collect friends from all over? Does it really matter who they hang out with or where they stand in the oh so important world of highschool?

I feel that something is terribly wrong when people can't pop their bubble and actually see what the people around them feel. When asked how we are, the majority would say 'fine'; is this truly the case? It's an act of courtesy for most, many really don't care. If someone were to prod and appear to be interested, they truly want a surface overview-not the entire story. I don't feel that I have recently had the opportunity to convey how I am to anyone other than my mother, and even then I don't always share the convoluted explanation, because 'How are you" is not as simple as it seems. Us humans are quite complicated once looked at with open eyes and minds. But who knows, maybe it is my cynicism that shelters and harbors my feelings. Someone once described me as an 'open-closed book', and I couldn't agree more. I wear my emotions and simple thoughts on my sleeve, but will seldomly release my true fears, desires, or ideas to anyone. What a sad thought that there are millions and billions of suppressed feelings around the world. What would it be like to have to opportunity to open up to a peer rather than pay and schedule an appointment in order to have someone to talk to? Why must our mental health be questioned in order to say how we're feelng? What a dream it would be if there were always a person, stranger or friend, there to listen. If it weren't for the lovely cash, that convenient, completely impersonal shoulder to cry on and ear to talk off would not be there, they don't want to hear you- they're simply doing their job. Maybe we could release some of the anger and negative energy if we could simply band together and open up.

A friend of mine likes a girl, but is too scared to pursue. What is the worst that could happen; she just isn't into you? She just wants to be friends? Worst case scenario she wants nothing to do with you? If the third be so, you're right back to where you began, nothing lost and nothing gained. If no actions are taken, you've lost a gateway opportunity to a relationship, a new friend, etc.. rather than losing a speck of self assurance? This goes for any situation, jobs, meeting people, trying new things - we let them pass us by due to fear of rejection or loss. Who cares if your self pride is punctured, it always comes back. I just feel like we need to let go of the this ego we have all built up- have it be materially or through interactions- something should be changed. Does it kill to smile at a stranger? Does it kill to be yourself? Why are we taking ourselves so seriously? Could we not just lower our guards and stop being who we think everyone else wants us to be? Let's lower our guards and let our true colors show. I certainly don't enjoy everyone's company, but I sure am tolerant while giving each individual a fair chance. call me self righteous- I don't care. If this is amusing, get over yourself, you're struggling just as much as the rest.

I'm sure this 'essay' has been written time and time again, but seriously-there is something so terribly wrong with people. I know I have a long way to go in order to be all the things I preach, but maybe if I hear it enough, it will give me the courage to take further steps than I have thus far.

I feel much better having these nagging peeves out and ready to be read. Thank you

/R (and who knows, maybe it is me who is the twisted one...)

Catch up - photo edition

It has been obnoxiously long since I have paid a visit the blogger arena. After reading the last couple posts, I have quite a bit of updating to do. I'll do more of a bulleted form for the sake of time.


-Chicago with NHS ladies for a LEAD conference. Crazy trip with crazy girls. A groovy city as well, too bad the clouds were out for the Sears (Willis) Tower.

Windy City skyline..



the crew...

-Model UN wasn't as bad as I made it sound, (this happens a lot. I am a hyperbolizer =/) Anyways, it was a lot of fun with a lot of interesting people.

in committee

the crew, minus Bill

-Spring break trip to Oregon. We went college scopin' and I fell in love with Lewis and Clark as well as Reed. University of Oregon was really nice as well, I just love Oregon! It was great to see Kybugs family, even if she wasn't there, while also gettng the chance to know Jen <3

spring blossoms on Reed's campus


...and of course some family time <3

-School, school, school.... the AP exams I was complaining about last post were really not as terrible as I was anticipating, thank goodness the classes are over, it's nice to have a few extra periods to catch up on other end of the year things. Ror and I created 'Us' and competed in our school's battle of the bands...placing third. It was so much fun! We get to play again soon, Dog Days is coming up June 5th!! Come see some great music for a great cause :)

battle of the bands :)

-Spring is here, despite its hiding in the cold and snow, we have had little tastes of it here in Idaho, enjoying those mini samples.

with Mio on our day hike..

...followed by a quality game of croquet..

-Gaper day 2010 happened, was grand, and I can hardly wait for the next ski season to begin. Though I won't get ahead of myself - I am ready to greet summer with wide, open arms...while looking forward to skiing :)

ror


andrew, will, and apotts. gaping.

-Junior and Senior prom! Both were a blast, but obviously senior prom was the better of the two. Jake and I, along with everyone else had a great time at both Bill's and the dance, despite the ridiculously long line. It sure will be hard to beat next year!

with HB pre-jprom


with Jake pre-sprom

-I have acquired some new hardware. Jordan was kind enough to sell me his long board. I have had a blast cruisin' already and can't wait for more time to spend with it.

I also received this lovely bike as a gift from my mom for my birthday, *thanks mom* I had a blast painting it and making it my own. Now I wait for the weather to get better so I can ditch my gas guzzler and ride this new beast everywhere. Goal of the summer: fill up no more than three times (outside of roadtrips.) :)

Yikes, so much for shortening it. Anyways, I am a tool and realized that the majority of those pictures are already posted. =/ Next post will be filled with more surprises I hope. All good things going on.

Thanks for reading...(Nick) :)

-_-

Shtufff

Finals week is over for me. Good luck to the rest of my school mates who have one more day to endure. I can safely say this has been the most intense week of finals I have ever experienced, they were pretty hard. My english exam was set up to resemble the AP exam I will have to brawl against in May, with a 60 minute multiple choice section. There was nothing that anyone in the class could do to prepare for this section of the test, and from the looks on most every one's face afterwards, they all felt the same as me. The vocabulary and logical fallacies section on the other hand, went extremely well. There wasn't a government final, only a unit five test; leaving me with the rest of the period to study for pre-calc. Math is not something I can say I shine in, but I feel like I did a decent job on this test as well. Overall, my day of testing went surprisingly smoothly considering the 3 hours of sleep I am running on:

Thank goodness for a good cup of coffee in the morning.

Although I am done with finals for this trimester, and have a fairly desirable schedule for the next 12 weeks, I don't feel very relieved. Friday I leave for Berkley at 4:30 a.m. for Model UN. I wish that someone could tell me what I was thinking when I decided to go, it has become the epicenter of stress, and the reason that I can not revel in the conclusion of finals.

I feel that as students, we are set up for exhaustion. We are given a task to complete, a quick pat on the back and another daunting task to conquer etc etc.. maybe I am lazy and like to complain, but it really seems like an unhealthy pattern. People need to slow down a bit.

Ski season is almost through, where has the time gone?! Spring brings long boarding and cycling along with it, so I suppose that is the light at the end of the tunnel. I am pretty excited about long boarding this summer, I finally invested in a new long board. (my arbor was ganked from my Subaru early last summer ) The new one I got from a friend is a great set up that should be a fun ride, I'll get some pictures soon.

I went snowshoeing with my dog today, I hadn't been yet this winter; it was so refreshing. Great to finally have time to get outdoors again, I forgot my camera, maybe next time.

(this guy makes goods lists, good "shit," if you will: check em http://8tracks.com/moose0215/some-good-shit )

-_- r

Simple

I'm beginning to believe more and more that the simpler you get, the better things go. It seems that we feel this need to make things a lot more complicated than necessary, and I think it's time to break the habit. I did three things today, that honestly made my day tough to beat.

The first "day-maker" was Nordic skiing with my close friend HB. Today was the second of many to come, that we will relax post school on the bike path, with skis clipped to our toes. We got a nice new layer last night, and the groomers hadn't packed it out for us, so we decided to blaze a path. We should have gone snowshoeing, but that would have been too easy for our style. We made it a little ways north, deciding to venture into the neighborhoods close by. I'll tell you now, our xc skills are a sight to see; we ended up walking across the street with our skis on our feet and climbing the snowbanks to ski on top of them. If you've never been out before, I suggest you try when you have a chance. There will be pictures soon, I promise.

After skiing, I enjoyed some down-time with my mom. My mom and I have become really close this year, it's been really nice. Along with our close friendship, we share a taste for Weeds. If you haven't seen the show before, you're missing out. As I said, I came home and had some down-time watching Weeds with my mom online, until the internet got a little feisty ending our tv time. Sitting there with her is very fulfilling for me, without these times I would hardly see her. It's nice to spend time together aside from the passings in the morning and evening.

Finally, the topping to my post-school-great day was skating. A pal of mine, Miles has a knack for sharing the coolest times with me. Last year this time we had a picnic via snowshoeing, we've been evening fly fishing at a widdo pond, and this year we skate. So what's the big deal about skating? We weren't able to simply waltz out and do our thing; there was snow on the ice from the dumping I talked about earlier. Anyways, there was a guy out on the ice plowing the snow off of the surface who entertained us for a little while. We watched him go to town until the ice was mostly clear before we went out. Miles didn't have skates and the trailer with the skates was locked so he went out and slid around while I skated. It was fun, but we both knew that something was missing: music. We got the tunes, but they weren't what I was expecting to hear at all, he had put on Ray Charles. Now, this brought out a dancing side in my pal I hadn't really seen much of; Miles is a dancing fool. I couldn't not dance as well, so I shed my skates and we danced away a couple of hours.

These highlights in my evening all seem really simple to me but left the greatest feelings and impact. Keep it simple and have a good time.
R-_-

Hello strangers

It has been way too long since this page has seen any activity from me; how terribly sad. I must keep this post short but do hope to reignite the blogging fire inside me. I swear, from October on my time disappeared.

Anyways, nothing monumental has happened, I am a simple creature of habit. School, school, school. It's starting to kick my butt, knowing it will be worth it in the end is the only factor of motivation, I am truly exhausted.

The mountain has been open for a while now and despite the lack of snow, it has been a great season. Hopefully I can manage the 3 and break 40 days. We'll keep our fingers crossed.

I still have a lost feeling but have found a new way to relieve myself via meditation. Our valley is hosting a "winter feast for the soul" which has committed me to 40 days of meditation, my first encounter with the practice. It is very very effective, I can feel a change after only 5 practices. I recommend you all give it a shot.

Short anecdote for the day: It snowed a good 10 inches of wet, heavy snow last night. My car was covered and is much taller than I am. I went to clear the snow from my car, but the height and weight were making it way too hard to do with my little scraper, so I decided that my metal shovel would be a great alternative, you know, to give me some length. Turns out I am completely ignorant when it comes to the effects of metal on glass and paint. I now have some pretty attractive scratches across my windshield. WIN! As if I wasn't already bummed out, a girl parked next to me banged my car door with hers, bummmeeer. I was in my car when it happened, but didn't have the nerve to say anything, resulting in a horn honk on my behalf. Long morning. I suppose those dings and scratches will add some character.

I'm off for the night, let's hope this is a new start to a long year of blogging.

Be healthy, happy, and safe world wide web.

R-_-

Spending

I'll tell you first, I absolutely hate department stores, and most of all, I hate Macy's. Macy's is where all the jerkish people in a town go to work. That store is a: way too expensive for goods that truly aren't worth their markup. b: full of 'speacialists' that truly can't do anything more special than the next salesman. and c: an awful place to be.

My mom and I were in Macy's yesterday, and simply walking in the door gets me in a slightly lesser mood than I was outside. She was checking out some jeans and I decided to wander around, scope it out, watch the people, whatever. I found some jeans that were pretty cute, found my size, hit the fitting room. I have a hard time checking prices before I try it on, call me crazy. The pants really fit nicely, which is an accomplishment in itself because I'm so short. I check the price, they were 200 dollar jeans. Yeah right, I have seen the same brand and they are maybe, at most worth 80 dollars. I then was walking around, and saw a sweatshirt that was really neat, different than what I had been seeing lately. Needless to say I wanted it. Turns out I was willing to pay some big bucks for it with a little discount from a coupon. Well guess what? Macy's sends out coupons that none of the vendors accpet! Woah, good plan eh? Even the cosmetics women are awful, their service is delayed and once you get it, they're rude. I watched my mom try and buy her makeup, and got angrier and angrier.
I'm done with that I suppose, forget Macy's.
Now for car business. I bought a 1996 Subaru Outback from my teacher this year, and thought it was going to be great. I loved the car and it drove really well. For a month. On my way back from Stanley one day, the engine light came on. I took it in and they said that the cylinder four was messed up, (clearly I know a lot about cars...) and claimed that they had fixed it. But of course, coming home from Stanely a few weeks later, it comes on again. I took it in, yet another time and they said they fixed it. 200 dollars later, my temperature gauge is going berzerk. So I took my car in for the third time in two months, and he says i need a new thermostat. Of course we do it. So now, for the third time I am coming home from Stanley, and notice the gauge is reading a high temperature. Me, thinking it's simply still not working keeps driving. Luckily I made it to Hailey before my car died due to overheating. I was so bummed and didn't really know what to do, so I waited a couple minutes before trying to start it again. Luckily it started and got me to a friends house where I left it to cool off. I took it in again, number four, and they tell me nothing is wrong with it. I'm not a genius, but I'm not stupid enough to know that if my car overheated and wouldn't take me somewhere, that there is NOTHING wrong with it. Blahblahblah more problems blah, I took it to another mechanic who found that I have a water pump leak, and one of the gaskets is warped or blown, or something. Cool, so now all summer I have been driving a car that has tons of problems, making them all worse everytime I drive it. Now here I am with this car I have had for the summer, that needs more work than I payed for it.
Forget that, I'm selling the beast.
So now, I'm on the hunt for a car, and found one that I like a lot. Guess who doesn't have 11,000 dollars for a 5,000 dollar car. Ha, ME.
I guess the point of this post is for me to complain a lot, and just try and see if writing this all makes stuff make more sense. I just feel that everything is overpriced and the point of everything now is to rip another person off.
I leave for Mars on Monday, who's coming with?
-_-

Lucky Me

This past weekend I realized that despite what I think half of the time, I'm a pretty lucky lady. I was talking with my neighbor, who is a pretty successful artist and studio owner. She pretty much told me her entire life story and I was shocked and instantly grateful for what has been handed to me. She told me about her terrible experiences with boys and men beginning at a very young age, her crazy family, life in Las Vegas, and a few of her terrible marriages. She also shared a few 'life lessons' and philosophies on how to go about life, one being to take it [life] by the balls. It sure sounds like they have gotten her extremely far. She raised her two sons as a single mom, dyeing, weaving, and selling rugs around the world. She taught herself how to paint and now owns her own studio and store. She really is quite an inspiration. I left her house feeling pretty fortunate, that's for sure.

She helped me realize that the young people today [me included, for sure] are really lazy. We don't want to make time to do projects for others, we now have 'more important' things to do. We say no too often, and don't 'take life by the balls', letting too many opportunities pass by us. Also, I can't just hope and want to be something great. I need to tell myself this everyday so my self conscience has something to go on. My neighbor told me that she never said 'Oh, I'd love to be successful with my art someday..' She always told herself, she would be successful with her art, and she is. So here I go, day one of this theory. Someday, I will be a photographer for National Geographic, even if it's one picture, I will be featured in that magazine.

Check in around 15- 20 years from now and see if I made it happen :D

-_-